Couples

Couple therapy

Couples come to therapy together for a variety of reasons. When the relationship is distressed, couples may find they are

Having the same argument over and over. Or arguing about everything – unable to even make dinner together without arguing
Feeling hurt or shut out, not feeling responded to
Feeling criticized or taken-for-granted
Feeling stuck, like things will never change or get better
Not co-parenting effectively
Lacking emotional connection and intimacy
Lacking sex or physical intimacy and connection

When the relationship is distressed, couples may find themselves in recurring patterns of conflict or arguments, feeling disconnected, isolated, not valued, or stuck.

Other reasons to engage in couples’ therapy include

Adjustment to parenting
Enhancing co-parenting
Recovering from an affair
Marriage/partnership preparation; deciding whether to get married
Navigating a trial separation
LGBT issues

Couples who engage in couples’ therapy can expect to achieve:

Enhanced feeling of connectedness and attunement
Reduced conflict and ability to resolve conflicts more quickly, with greater collaborativeness
Enhanced sense of safety and security in the relationship
Increased passion and intimacy
Increased positive emotion in the couple and the family
Deeper understanding of both partners’ hopes, fears, aspirations, and dreams

Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)

In couples’ therapy, I primarily rely on Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT-C), a research-based approach to strengthening relationships and improving connection developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. I am Certified in EFT by the International Center for Excellence in EFT (ICEEFT.com). Using EFT, I help couples understand the deeper reasons for their conflict and to unite in stopping the cycle of reactivity and conflict. EFT helps couples stop the conflicts, slow down and start to feel and express to their partner what is really going on for them under the surface. Research demonstrates that this process strengthens relationship bonds and builds safety, security, acceptance, trust, and resilience.

In EFT therapy, you and your partner will engage in a powerful, experiential process of re-building safety, trust and emotional intimacy. Through this experiential process, partners learn to connect, within themselves, to their underlying needs and feelings, and the trust and acceptance that enable them to express these to their partners in a way that elicits their partner's emotional engagement and responsiveness. Couples learn that they can actively shape and strengthen their love relationship by the way they reach for and respond to each other, once they have the safety to do so.

Recent research in neuroscience has demonstrated that in a real way, lovers can change each other’s brains so that we experience more security and less stress and fear in our lives, and that EFT is effective in helping couples achieve this for themselves.

EFT has a strong research base demonstrating its effectiveness. Studies have found that 2 years post-therapy, 80% of couples have maintained their improvement, and 60% of couples are doing even better than when they stopped therapy. These results are far better than results for any other form of couples’ therapy studied.

EFT is informed by the rigorous and burgeoning scientific research on attachment, in particular, on adult attachment, which is the strongest and most robust body of knowledge we have about how adult romantic relationships work.

EFT works for all kinds of couples struggling with all kinds of issues. EFT is focused on getting to the heart of the matter. EFT helps with nearly all types of relationship difficulties because it goes beyond skills, negotiation, and insight to focus on the underlying resilience, resourcefulness, and strengths that all people possess when they feel securely connected.

Valerie Crawford, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist #PSY 27378
Individual & Couple Therapy

Tel: (415) 484-5210

Exclusively video conferencing for now.

SAUSALITO
3030 Bridgeway, Suite 430